What life, therapy, and an unexpected bicycle ride taught me about slowing down, practicing self-compassion, and finding strength through difficult seasons.
By Hilda H. McClure, LPC
Founder & CEO, The Candela Collective
What Does It Really Mean to Be Resilient?
We talk about resilience all the time.
We encourage people to be strong, keep moving forward, overcome their circumstances, and find the positive in difficult situations.
But I think we sometimes misunderstand what resilience actually means.
Resilience does not mean that life stops being difficult.
It does not mean we never experience sadness, anger, disappointment, grief, or uncertainty.
And it certainly does not mean that we have to pretend everything is okay when it isn't.
I recently had the opportunity to join the wonderful hosts of Supervive Podcast for a conversation about resilience, mental health, and the ways we can intentionally develop the ability to navigate life's challenges.
One of the most meaningful things about this conversation was the opportunity to explore resilience not only through my professional work as a therapist but also through my own lived experiences.
Because even when you understand the science of mental health, living through difficult moments can teach you things that a textbook never could.
And one of the biggest lessons I have learned is this:
Resilience is not about avoiding the fall. It is about learning how to get back up while giving yourself permission to feel everything that comes with the experience.
Sometimes, Being Strong Means Slowing Down
During our conversation, we talked about how quickly the world moves.
We are constantly receiving information.
We wake up to notifications, news stories, work responsibilities, family obligations, and an endless list of things that need our attention.
For many of us, slowing down feels almost impossible.
But here's something I've learned: if we never slow down long enough to recognize what we're experiencing, how can we care for ourselves through it?
You cannot practice emotional resilience if you are completely disconnected from your emotions.
And you cannot begin to understand what your body needs if you never give yourself permission to notice what it is communicating.
This is especially important when discussing trauma, chronic stress, and emotional regulation.
In my work as a therapist, I often discuss the concept of the window of tolerance.
The window of tolerance describes the range of emotional and physiological arousal within which we can generally manage our feelings, stay connected to the present, and respond to challenges more effectively.
When we experience overwhelming stress, we may move outside that window.
Some people become anxious, restless, or reactive. Others feel emotionally numb, disconnected, or shut down.
Neither response is a personal failure.
They are ways our nervous systems may respond to overwhelming experiences.
Building resilience includes learning to recognize these responses and developing practices that help us reconnect with ourselves.
Through Candela Counseling, this understanding is part of our broader commitment to trauma-informed, culturally responsive mental health care.
We recognize that healing requires more than simply telling someone to think positively.
Sometimes, it requires slowing down enough to feel safe in your own body again.
Resilience Is Something We Practice
One of the questions I was asked during the podcast was whether resilience is something we are born with or something we develop.
My answer?
I believe resilience is something we can practice.
I often compare it to building a muscle.
Some people may develop resilience through their upbringing, relationships, or earlier experiences.
Others may need more intentional opportunities to strengthen it.
But all of us can continue learning.
And I want to emphasize something important here: practicing resilience does not require us to constantly place ourselves in painful situations.
In fact, one of my favorite ways to approach resilience is through experiences that challenge us without placing us at significant risk.
Sometimes, we build confidence by doing something unfamiliar, difficult, or slightly uncomfortable.
We learn what works, what doesn't, and how to approach the next challenge differently.
That is why I shared a personal story during the podcast that still makes me smile.
The Bicycle Ride That Changed How I Viewed My Own Strength
I would not describe myself as someone who has always been athletic.
Actually, I am perfectly happy spending time inside my house.
But I decided to challenge myself by participating in an MS150 cycling event connected to the National Multiple Sclerosis Society.
It was something completely outside my comfort zone.
I trained, prepared, and committed to doing something I had never imagined myself accomplishing.
My original goal was to complete both days.
But I didn't.
I completed one day instead.
And you know what?
That experience was still incredibly meaningful.
I remember being out there, riding my bicycle, and having a moment when I realized that I was actually doing it.
I was doing something that once felt impossible.
It didn't matter whether I finished in six hours or seven.
I was participating.
I was challenging myself.
And I was discovering that I was capable of more than I had previously believed.
When I reached the finish, I cried.
Not because everything had gone exactly according to plan.
But because I had accomplished something I genuinely never thought I could do.
That experience reminded me that resilience is not about achieving perfection.
It is about learning to approach challenges with flexibility, courage, and self-compassion.
Sometimes, success looks different from what we originally imagined.
And sometimes, the most important accomplishment is recognizing that we were brave enough to try.
You Can Be Resilient and Still Be Hurting
I think this is one of the most important conversations we can have about mental health.
We often assume that resilient people are the ones who don't fall apart.
The ones who don't cry.
The ones who always know what to do next.
But resilience and pain can exist together.
During the podcast, I reflected on a difficult personal season when I had to intentionally practice many of the same strategies I regularly discuss in my professional work.
And I learned something humbling.
Knowing how to practice resilience and actually practicing it while you're hurting are two very different experiences.
I had to slow down.
I had to lean into the support available to me.
I had to practice what I had learned.
And I had to give myself permission to take things one day at a time.
There were days when progress felt small.
There were moments when I had to remind myself that healing does not happen according to a perfect timeline.
But over time, I began to recognize the ways I was growing.
I was learning that experiencing pain did not mean I was failing.
It meant I was human.
You can be strong and still need support. You can be healing and still experience difficult days. And you can be resilient without pretending that something didn't hurt.
That is a message I hope more people begin to embrace.
Why Culture Matters in Conversations About Resilience
Another important part of our conversation was how cultural expectations influence the way we understand strength.
Within many Hispanic and Latino families, we grow up hearing messages about perseverance, sacrifice, and continuing forward regardless of what life brings.
There can be tremendous strength in those values.
But sometimes, those same messages leave little room for emotional vulnerability.
We may hear phrases like:
No llores.
Échale ganas.
Tienes que ser fuerte.
Don't cry.
Try harder.
You have to be strong.
And while these messages may come from a place of love or encouragement, they can sometimes teach us that expressing our emotions is a sign of weakness.
I believe we need to expand that understanding.
Being resilient does not mean disconnecting from what we feel.
Sometimes, resilience requires allowing ourselves to acknowledge our sadness, disappointment, anger, or grief without judging ourselves for experiencing those emotions.
This is part of why The Candela Collective was created around the belief that culture, language, family, and lived experiences are essential parts of the healing process.
Our cultural backgrounds are not things we should have to leave behind when we seek support.
They are part of the context that helps us understand ourselves.
And meaningful healing makes room for that complexity.
Five Ways to Begin Practicing Emotional Resilience
If resilience is something we can build, where do we begin?
During the podcast, we explored several ideas that can help us approach difficult experiences with greater intention.
Here are five practices I encourage people to consider.
1. Slow Down and Notice
Before trying to solve everything, give yourself a moment to recognize what is happening internally.
What emotions are showing up?
What sensations are you noticing in your body?
What do you need right now?
Awareness creates opportunities for choice.
2. Give Yourself Permission to Feel
Resilience does not require you to suppress difficult emotions.
Allowing yourself to acknowledge sadness, fear, disappointment, or frustration can be an important part of responding to those experiences with care.
You do not have to judge yourself for being human.
3. Practice with Manageable Challenges
Try something new.
Take a class.
Learn a skill.
Pursue a hobby that stretches your abilities.
You do not have to create major challenges to practice navigating uncertainty.
Sometimes, smaller experiences help us build confidence in our ability to learn, adapt, and try again.
4. Reflect Without Judgment
When something doesn't go according to plan, ask yourself:
What helped me?
What didn't help me?
What might I do differently next time?
Resilience includes learning from our experiences without turning every disappointment into a judgment about who we are.
5. Practice Flexibility and Self-Compassion
Sometimes, being resilient means changing the plan.
Sometimes, it means asking for help.
Sometimes, it means resting.
We do not always have to push harder.
We can learn to recognize when a different approach may serve us better.
These practices do not eliminate life's difficulties, but they can help us develop a more compassionate and intentional relationship with ourselves.
Watch My Conversation on Supervive Podcast
I am grateful to the Supervive Podcast team for creating space for thoughtful conversations about emotional well-being, resilience, and community.
In this Spanish-language episode, we explore what resilience really means, why it matters for mental health, and how we can practice it in everyday life.
We also discuss the window of tolerance, cultural expectations, self-compassion, and the lessons that come from navigating life's unexpected challenges.
Watch the full conversation on YouTube
Whether you are navigating a difficult season or simply looking for ways to become more intentional about your emotional well-being, I hope this conversation offers a reminder that resilience is something we can continue developing.
Healing Is Not About Becoming Untouchable
If there is one thing I hope you remember from this conversation, it is that resilience does not mean becoming someone who can never be hurt.
It means learning how to continue caring for yourself through the experiences that shape your life.
It means recognizing when you need support.
It means adjusting your expectations when things don't go according to plan.
And it means understanding that progress is not always measured by how quickly we recover.
Sometimes, progress is simply waking up the next day and choosing to try again.
At Candela Counseling, we believe healing should make room for the whole person: your experiences, culture, relationships, body, and individual needs.
We offer bilingual counseling services in English and Spanish, with in-person options in Plano and telehealth throughout Texas.
If you are navigating trauma, anxiety, relationship challenges, grief, or major life transitions, you deserve support that honors your experiences.
Learn more about our counseling services, meet our team, or contact The Candela Collective.
Because you do not have to navigate every difficult moment alone.
And you do not have to be perfect to be resilient.
You can experience pain, change your plans, ask for help, and still be moving forward.
With warmth,
Hilda H. McClure, LPC
Founder & CEO
The Candela Collective
This article is based on Hilda McClure's conversation on Supervive Podcast and is intended for educational purposes. It does not replace individualized mental health care.